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The current year represents a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {